


Every Time You Look at Something, Everything Else Gets Jealous

by makesomelove



Category: Disney RPF, Jonas Brothers
Genre: Alternate Professions, Alternate Universe, M/M, Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-30
Updated: 2009-05-30
Packaged: 2017-10-26 17:48:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/286169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makesomelove/pseuds/makesomelove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kevin the cub reporter has to interview the town's star hockey player, Zac Efron.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Every Time You Look at Something, Everything Else Gets Jealous

Kevin knocks on Miley's office door and waits for her to allow him to enter. The frosted glass in the door is already yellowed from the inside, but Miley's name is still fresh in black paint against it. She's fairly new to this paper, but she does a good job.

Kevin isn't entirely sure why he's been called in to talk to her today. Usually he knows why he's there, like, he has to fix her a drink, or she asks him to go out and buy her cigarettes for her. He's hoping he doesn't get fired or demoted today. He can't get demoted much further, anyway; all he does is arrange a few things on some pages, most often things about church and community center events. He did basically that for four years in high school, so he has the experience and the skill to arrange things on paper until they look nice.

A voice on the other side of the door yells something, and it's followed by a decently long bout of hacking coughs. Kevin figures it's okay to go in then. When he opens the door, Miley is sitting behind her desk, hocking spit into a mug with Mickey Mouse painted on it. The air is smokey, like she's been barbecuing a lot of meat nonstop since she got there.

"Have a seat, Jonas," Miley says, indicating the seat Kevin is supposed to have. Her voice is smokey like barbecued meat, too, but really burnt barbecue meat. She has a little bit of an accent, like she used to be from the south until she coughed it all up. Kevin isn't certain how old she is. Her skin looks like she's been laying out in the sun since the beginning of time, but her dark hair is long and shiny, like it's the only thing she takes care of. He's not sure if it's real or not. She has a lot of bracelets on, too, so that adds to Kevin's confusion. Old ladies wear a lot of jewelry, but so do young girls.

"How are you today, Ms. Cyrus?" Kevin says.

"Nobody gives a shit, Jonas," Miley says. She takes a cigarette out of a mug with Minnie Mouse on it puts it in her mouth. She pats around her desk for a lighter, and when she doesn't come up with one, she pats around her chest area.

"Okay," Kevin says, averting his eyes politely.

When Kevin hears the flick of a lighter, he figures it's safe to look at her again.

"Hey, Jonas," Miley says, with the cigarette in her mouth so she's only talking out of one side, "I got an assignment for you."

"Oh," Kevin says. "Am I going to get to arrange the front page?"

"What? No, no," Miley says, waving her hand at him so her bracelets jangle together. "It's a writing assignment."

"But I don't -- "

"I know you don't write here," Miley interrupts. "That's why I'm giving this to you."

"May I ask," Kevin says, visibly confused. "May I ask, why?"

"You got no teeth, Jonas," Miley says. She points at her own teeth with her cigarette. They're yellow as an egg yolk and probably just as sturdy.

"I have all my teeth," Kevin says. He runs his tongue along them to doublecheck they're still there and still sturdier than Miley's.

Miley rubs at the bag under her left eye.

"I mean you look harmless, Jonas, you know? People will talk to you. You're like a little baby lion. You're a goddamn simple bumpkin, and people trust bumpkins."

Kevin's not sure he likes that description of himself. He has teeth and he's not a baby anything, and he's not simple. He's a very complicated person. He's not sure what a bumpkin is, but he imagines it's like a pumpkin. He does love to talk to people, though.

"Do I get to interview someone?" Kevin says.

"Yeah, Jonas," Miley says. "You heard of Zac Efron, right?"

"No," Kevin says.

Miley finishes her cigarette and puts it out in her Mickey Mouse mug spittoon.

"Don't you watch the fuckin' TV, Jonas?"

"I don't have a TV," Kevin says.

Miley sighs deeply. It sounds like she ate gravel for lunch, and the sigh ends with a coughing fit. She hits her chest until the coughing settles. Kevin can hear his mom in his head: "Smoke another one, why don't you?" She said that all the time to smokers whenever they coughed, even if they only had a cough due to cold.

"Don't you read the paper we work for?" Miley says. She lights another cigarette.

"Of course," Kevin says. Kevin believes he's the paper's most loyal subscriber. He doesn't so much as glance at any other of the town's papers.

"Well, he's been in it every day for the past month, in the sports section," Miley says. She pauses and looks Kevin up and down. Her eyes linger too long on a certain area of his pants and on the scarf tied around his neck. "I take it you're not much into sports, are you, Jonas?"

"I like baseball," Kevin says. He doesn't read the sports section ever, though. He's never even arranged it before.

Miley pats around her desk again for something. She already has her lighter, so Kevin's not sure what she's looking for. Thankfully this time she doesn't look in her bra, but finds it in her desk drawer. It's a newspaper. She tosses it at Kevin, and it flies open and all over. Paper isn't good for tossing to people, especially not newspaper paper. Kevin gets down on one knee and gathers the scattered pages.

It's last week's Tuesday paper. Kevin recognizes some of the arranging work he did in it. He finds the sports section quickly, assuming that's what Miley wants him to see. The side column is entirely dedicated to Zac Efron.

"Efron is the town's shining beacon of hope or some shit," Miley says. "He's the new star goalie on the hockey team."

"I'm going to be interviewing him?" Kevin says. There's a small picture, but Efron has all of his gear on, so Kevin can't see what he looks like. Not that that's something that matters, or anything. It'd just be nice to be able to find him when Kevin goes to interview him.

"Yeah," Miley says. "You're gonna do a week in the life of that asshole."

"Oh, wow, a whole week?"

"I want you to get some dirt on him, too, you understand?" Miley says.

"Dirt?"

"Yeah, you dumb bitch, get some dirt on him, you know, like in the magazines?" Kevin remembers hearing that Miley used to work at some classy magazine before she got fired for reasons unkown. It appears as though she's trying to bring some of that over here. "Get some juicy details in there, like who he's fucking or what drugs he does or whatever the hell."

"Okay," Kevin says. He's not sure he's comfortable with this assignment, but he imagines he'd be even more uncomfortable with what Miley would have him do if he turned it down.

"But don't ask him about it or nothin'," Miley says. "You just let him talk to you, right? That's why you're there."

"Right," Kevin says.

"Just let it come out of him natural." She snorts wetly and hocks it into her mug. "And write everything down that you see," she finishes. Her phlegm is definitely not the color it's supposed to be. Kevin thinks she should go to the doctor. Maybe he can get her to go one day.

"Can I have this?" Kevin asks, holding up the newspaper.

"Nobody _gives_ a shit, Jonas," Miley says. "Now get mama a drink on your way out."

"Do you want coffee?" Kevin asks and gently suggests at the same time. He doesn't want to be the one to get Miley her drink, but he can't refuse. They've all had to do it at some point, pretty much whenever they're in her office. She must never get out from behind her desk until it's time to go home, or until she's had a few. She definitely comes out of her office then, and it's a scary and sad thing to see.

Miley looks at her watch. It slides down her wrist a little bit, and the skin undernearth it is pale and clammy. Her hand shakes. "No, it's too late for that."

Kevin estimates it's about one o'clock in the afternoon. "Don't be silly," Kevin says. "It's never to late to start your day with a cup of Folgers."

Kevin worries he may have gone overboard with the suggestions, but Miley laughs. It sounds like a lawnmower choking on grass that's too tall to cut.

"What are you, Jonas, their spokesgirl?" Miley says. "Sure, I'll have some coffee."

Kevin runs to the office kitchen. He grabs a mug; he's not sure whose it is, but it's there and it's clean, and he fills it with coffee. It's actually Maxwell House, but he doesn't think he'll get in trouble for misrepresenting what brand of coffee they have. Miley is staring at the open doorway when he comes back.

"Here you go, puddin'," Kevin says, setting the mug down on Miley's desk. He's careful not to touch anything on it, because she's weird about her desk being messed with.

Miley lights another cigarette and chugs down some of the coffee. Kevin has no idea how she's doing it, she must not have any feeling in her throat, because it is piping hot and strong.

"A guy I used to have sex with called me puddin'," Miley says. "I was like, do I jiggle? So I lost a bunch of weight and fucked a few of his friends. I gained some of it back, but you know how it is."

Kevin doesn't know how any of what Miley just said is, so he just blinks and smiles at her. Also, he's pretty sure Miley's never shared so much about herself to him or anyone else here before. He feels a little nauseous.

Miley points her lit cigarette at Kevin's chest, and some of the ashes scatter away from it. "Do you think I jiggle?"

"No," Kevin says. "I just think you're sweet."

Miley puts her cigarette out in her coffee, so she makes Kevin get her a fresh mug before he's allowed to leave for the day. He has preparations to do.

 

~*~

 

Kevin goes home and reads all the articles in old newspapers that talk about the community center's hockey team. He's kept them all ever since he started working there, in chronological order at the bottom of his closet. He only knows only very basic things about hockey, like how there are goals and pucks and sticks. He knows what goalies do, at least, and that's good, since Zac Efron is a goalie. Sometimes he'll still spell out h-e-double hockey sticks when he's in front of his little brothers, no matter how old they get. That's what hockey makes him think of: spelling out hell. He doesn't know what to think of that.

It turns out Zac Efron is really good at doing it "Butterfly" style, whatever that means, he'll have to ask Zac about it. Zac is also apparently really good at getting into fights. According to previous articles, he gets into a fight that causes bloodloss at least once every game, and his temper is unfortunate for the whole team, because it gets the best goalie the town has ever seen kicked off the ice a lot. Kevin knows about that a little bit, that hockey is supposed to be a really violent sport. He hopes the players aren't as angry off the ice as they are on it.

Kevin prepares a notebook and two different pens and stuffs them carefully into his messenger bag. He puts on a cardigan sweater, a fedora, and a scarf, but realizes that's too much to wear. It might be a little overwhelming to look at when people talk to him. There should be one focal point, Kevin thinks, and hopefully the focal point will be his pens. That's his job right now, to write everything down. He takes the hat and scarf off, but leaves on the cardigan. It might be cold at the rink.

There's a game today, and Kevin decides to go to it to get himself familiar with Zac's life. Miley gave him some sort of reporter badge so when he gets to the rink, he's allowed right in. There's quite a crowd there already, almost half the bleachers filled with people. It sounds like a food court, with all the people chattering, and it smells like one, too. Kevin stops off at the concession stand to get some nachos and a slush. The slush tastes like feet, but the nachos taste like nachos. He wanders around a bit, getting himself familiar with the building and eating his nachos.

Kevin is busy paying attention to wiping cheese off his badge and not looking where he's going when he ends up in the locker room. It's not a very good locker room, he thinks; there aren't even any lockers, but there are things like cubbies, like what he used to have in kindergarten. There are only two people in it, talking with their heads close together. Or more like, one guy is leaning really close, and the other is trying to lean away from him but can't get away. Kevin only has a second to wonder where the rest of the team is and to think maybe he should get out of there because this seems like a private moment, when one of the guys notices he's in there and shrieks.

"What are you doing in here?" The guys says to Kevin. He's clutching a little dog to his chest. "You're not authorized to be in here."

The other guy is Zac Efron. Kevin's seen him in photos, but he's a lot more real in person. He's a lot more less clothed in person, too. He reaches into a cubby, pulls out a jersey, and shakes it out, smirking the whole time. Kevin doesn't know why he's smirking, but he hopes it's about the guy with the teacup pomeranian and not about him. Kevin also hopes Zac puts some pants on next. He's trying not to look at Zac, but there's not a whole lot of other stuff to look at in the room.

"Actually," Kevin says, pointing at his badge with a tortilla chip, "I am."

The dog guy leans in real close to inspect the authenticity of Kevin's badge, like a lot of people try to get into the locker room with fake ones.

"Well, Zac doesn't talk to reporters before games, you know," the guy sniffs. The dog sticks its face into Kevin's nacho cheese and laps some of it up.

"Coach, why don't you go check on the other guys?" Zac says, nodding at the doorway.

The coach seems offended at Zac's asking him to leave, but he holds his dog closer, smearing cheese from the dog's nose on his own shirt, and walks out while he says, "Come on, then, Manly. We're not needed here right now, I see."

"Manly?" Kevin asks when the coach is gone.

"Coach Ortega likes manly things," Zac says ominously, shrugging with one shoulder. "You really a reporter?"

"Yes I am," Kevin says, because as of yesterday, he is.

Zac sits down on a bench, puts his hockey pants on, and starts pulling on his skates. The skates look brand new and incredibly expensive. The bench has ankle-height mirrors on both sides of it, like it was stolen from a shoe store. Zac lifts his leg up into the air near Kevin's face to tug hard on the laces.

"Well, Coach Ortega was right," Zac said. "I don't like to talk to reporters before a game. Can I have one of those?"

Zac points to Kevin's nachos and Kevin offers them to him right away. He goes to dip it in cheese, but Kevin covers it before he can.

"There's dog slobber in there now," Kevin says.

"I don't even care," Zac says. He scoops up as much cheese as possible with his one chip and eats it. Kevin isn't that grossed out; he's witnessed Joe eating worse things than concession stand nacho cheese covered in worse things than dog drool. "God, I haven't had anything as good as this in so long. Coach Ortega is weird about what we eat."

"He seems like he might be," Kevin says. "Would you like another?"

"I better not," Zac says. He leans around Kevin to make sure the doorway is clear, then dips his forefinger into the cheese and sucks it off quickly. Kevin isn't grossed out at all.

"Okay, well, break a leg out there," Kevin says.

"You can wish me luck," Zac says. He puts his other skate on and starts to tie them both up. "This isn't the stage. Breaking a leg would be bad here."

That surprises Kevin a little bit. He wouldn't think Zac knows anything about theatre, but that's Kevin's fault. He shouldn't assume. He puts the remaining nachos in an empty cubby for whoever wants them later. Zac watches him do it.

"What was your name again?" Zac says like he's actually interested and like he actually forgot. Kevin is always mildly annoyed when people say that, like, what do you mean again? Zac sticks his hand out and Kevin shakes it anyway.

"Kevin Jonas."

"Zac Efron."

"I know," Kevin says. He hopes that doesn't make him sound like a creepy fanatic, because he isn't one yet. "Good luck."

"Thanks," Zac says. "I'll talk to you after the game." He finally stops shaking Kevin's hand, and Kevin goes back out to find a good seat.

 

~*~

 

The closest seat in the house is on the far left of the second highest-up bleacher row. Every other seat is jam-packed with people of all ages, although Kevin did have to make his way through a rather large thicket of young girls near the front on his way up. He sets his beverage and his popcorn next to him and gets his notebook and a pen out. He forgot to write everything down like Miley told him to, but he figures he's not officially reporting on Zac until after the game, so it's okay. He does make a quick note that Zac appears to have his own locker room and jots a reminder to himself to ask where the rest of the team goes. Do they have to change out back and get hosed down instead of showering?

Kevin is about halfway through his bag of popcorn when the game finally starts. Almost everyone stands up and cheers, but Kevin uses the hand not clutching his popcorn to slap his popcorn arm as a way of clapping. Some pieces of corn fly out and land on the floor, and he contemplates rescuing them, but he thinks the floor is probably too filthy to eat off of, even for him.

He's not sure which team is which, so Kevin asks the woman next to him.

She looks down at his shoes, which are very beautiful chocolate brown leather boots with a two inch heel, and puts her hand on his arm. "Oh, honey. We're in the white. The other team is the blue."

"Thank you, ma'am," Kevin says. He sees she's wearing some off-brand version of Keds. So he doesn't know anything about hockey, so whatever, at least he has good shoes.

Kevin starts to get bored paying attention to the game. Zac is apparently the goalie in white, and he's on the far side, so Kevin can't even see him. It's not exactly necessary that Kevin be able to see him, but it'd be better for his reporting, or something. Almost nothing is happening, nobody is scoring, nobody is fighting. It's boring. He plays tic-tac-toe with himself a few times, but then realizes that's even more boring. He always wins and loses, so it's pointless. He's just in the middle of trying to figure out how to play Hangman by himself when everyone in the crowd jumps up and starts yelling. Kevin stands up too, because it seems like the thing to do.

The scoreboard says it's 1 to 0, home. Kevin gets a little excited. It's always fun when the team you want to win scores. Kevin wasn't sure he cared if Zac's team won or not, he's more the type of person where he just wants everyone to have fun no matter who wins, but now he thinks he cares.

At halftime, the lady with the ugly shoes leaves her kid while she goes to get some snacks or more ugly shoes or whatever. Kevin asks the kid if she wants to play Hangman.

"So which one is yours?" The kid asks. She sounds almost as bored as he feels. She also reminds him of Joe, because she has big eyebrows and is a little girl.

"Which one what?" Kevin says. Her Hangman word is like a thousand letters long. "D."

She draws a little head on the gallows. "Which player? I'm here because my sister is on the team."

Sister? Joe has called Kevin his sister before, so maybe this kid is just being a jerk. She seems like a jerk. "Uh, I'm here for Zac Efron."

"Really?" The kid says, like she thinks this is juicy info.

"I'm observing him. E."

She looks at him with her evil jerk eyes and adds a body to the head.

"Oh, come on," Kevin says.

Kevin only guesses one correct letter before everyone piles back into the bleachers and the game starts again.

 

~*~

 

The teams switch sides after halftime, which is something Kevin is happy to learn. Now he can see Zac pretty well. Not as well as the group of girls pressing their hands and faces against the glass to scream at him, but he's doing all right. Zac doesn't even look or give a little wave to his hysterical fans, which Kevin thinks is admirable. That means Zac is really in it to win it and sporty things like that.

Kevin pays more attention now that Zac is actually visible to him. Mostly, he pays more attention to Zac. Kevin thinks being a goalie must be so weird. It's like, you have to stay in your little area and crouch a lot and that's it. He wonders if Zac even has to know how to ice skate, since all he basically has to do is stay in his office.

This pondering is answered when a player on the other team does something a player on the home team doesn't like. There's some yelling, and then Zac skates out of his box like he was pushed by God to shove the other player into the wall. The other player's helmet slams against the glass, but he still manage to shove back. A referee comes out to yell at them both. They're allowed to stay in the game, so apparently that wasn't a bad fight. It frightened Kevin a little bit, though. How can someone just ram someone else into a wall for no real reason? And on ice skates, no less. That just seems dangerous.

The score doesn't change at all throughout the game, so the home team wins 1-0. Kevin still thinks hockey is boring, but he feels that old pleased feeling at his chosen team winning a game. He doesn't know how much time he should give Zac before he goes back into the cubby hole room to talk to him, but he's starting to get hungry, so he waits until almost everyone clears out to go.

 

~*~

 

Zac is completely naked when Kevin enters. Kevin thinks they should put a door to knock on if there's going to be naked people in here. Between his brothers, Miley, and now Zac, he has accidentally seen far more naked people than he's intended to in his lifetime. He freezes where he is instead of leaving like he should, but he at least looks at the floor instead of at the naked person.

"Sorry," Kevin says, and when there's no answer, he says it again, louder.

"Don't be sorry," Zac says. "It's not your fault."

Kevin doesn't know what that means, so he raises his head to see what Zac is talking about and once again gets two eyefuls of naked body. He turns his head to the side like he was slapped so he's not looking. Zac laughs at him.

"Aren't you supposed to be impartial?" Zac says.

"I don't know," Kevin says. He turns his head up to the ceiling and lowers it slowly until all he can see is Zac's head. Zac, he is pretty sure, can see up his nose, because he's still mostly facing the ceiling, but that's okay.

"It's safe to look now," Zac says.

"I'm not falling for that," Kevin says. "I have brothers."

Zac laughs again and ducks out of Kevin's vision for a second.

"Okay, for real now," Zac says. Kevin lowers his head and Zac is finally wearing jeans.

Kevin relaxes then. His stomach growls, and he looks for the nachos he left in a cubby before, but they're gone. He's going to starve to death soon.

"Hey, why are you in here all by yourself?" Kevin remembers to ask.

Zac yanks a shirt out of his cubby and shakes it out before putting it on. "I'm a guy," Zac says.

"Yeah," Kevin says. He's noticed Zac is a guy.

"I mean, the rest of the team are girls, so we're not allowed to have the same locker room."

"What?" Kevin says.

"I'm on an all-girls team," Zac says cheerfully. "At first I felt bad getting rough with them, but then I realized, they're not _girls_ , you know? They're _hockey players_. It's not really a big deal."

Kevin tries to picture the articles he's read about the hockey team in his mind. He doesn't remember anything about it being a girls' team, but he did skim a lot to get to the Efron parts. It's not that it matters, it just would've been nice to know beforehand.

"That's cool," Kevin says.

Zac looks at him like he knows Kevin doesn't think any of this is cool. He looks like he thinks it's funny, too.

"Hey, why don't we go somewhere and get something to eat while we talk?" Zac says. He ties the laces of his skates together and throws them over his shoulder, then gets a backpack out of his cubby to carry. Kevin has the urge to ask if he can carry it for him, but Zac isn't a girl. He just plays on an all-girl team.

"It is almost dinner time," Kevin says.

"It's about three o'clock," Zac says.

"Oh," Kevin says. "That was an early game."

"Yeah, it was," Zac says. "You should come to a night game some time."

Zac stops to look at his shoes in the bench mirror for a second. He's only wearing sneakers, but they're pretty decent.

"Let's go," he says, making eye contact with Kevin through the mirror and talking to him that way. It makes Kevin feel like he's in a hair salon, how you have to mirror talk to everyone.

Zac stops to sign a few autographs for some little girls hanging around the door. One of them is Kevin's arch nemesis from earlier, and she looks at him standing next to Zac like she knows all about him. He glares at her.

"Shouldn't these kids be in school?" Kevin says. He opens the door for Zac to try to hurry him out.

"What do they need school for when they have me," Zac says.

Kevin and Zac escape eventually from the hysterical fans and start towards the parking lot. They're halfway there when Kevin hears someone shrieking behind them. He turns around to see who it is, but Zac grabs his shoulder to stop him looking and pushes at him to up their pace.

"What is it?" Kevin says.

"Coach," Zac says. "You have a car, right?"

"Yeah," Kevin says.

"Good, because I don't," Zac says.

"You only need a ride?"

"Yeah, I just want you for your automobile."

Kevin giggles awkwardly. He doesn't know if it's because he thinks the word 'automobile' is funny, or if because Zac said he wants him for something.

 

~*~

 

Zac directs him to some restaurant Kevin's never been to before. Kevin lives in the suburbs; he eats at Chili's, and he usually eats there alone. Zac orders food like he's eaten here before, but also like he's never eaten before in his life.

"This bread is so good," Zac says with a mouthful of bread. Kevin is an expert at understanding what people say through mouthfuls of food.

Kevin tears a small piece of bread away and delicately places it in his mouth.

"Coach never lets us eat anything good in his presence," Zac says. "Like we're only allowed to have certain things if he feeds them to us. Like physically feeds them to us himself. Chocolate covered strawberries and stuff."

Kevin gets his notebook and pen out of his bag. "Do you mind if I write a few things down while we eat?"

"Sure," Zac says after a long pause during which he stares somewhere around Kevin's hairline. "That's what you're here for, right?"

Kevin writes down _on all girl team; coach is a freak_.

"I forgot you're supposed to be interviewing me. I'm having fun with you," Zac says.

Kevin rubs the sides of his face with his hands so it'll look like that's what made his cheeks red and not his blushing.

"You normally don't like to be interviewed?" Kevin says.

"No, I love it," Zac says. "I don't feel like I'm being interviewed by you, though. You're _really_ a reporter?"

Kevin tears another tiny piece of bread off and plays with it instead of eating it because it looks like Zac is paying attention to him. Kevin could never see anything in anyone's eyes like everyone says you're supposed to be able to, but eyebrows are another story. Zac's eyebrows are raised slightly like he's alert to whatever Kevin will be saying.

"Well," Kevin says. "I've never done it before."

"I didn't think so," Zac points and smirks at him. "How long are you doing it for?"

"About a week, is my assignment," Kevin says.

"A whole week? Wow," Zac says.

Their food arrives soon -- it's some sort of serious pot pie, with leeks or something crazy like that in it -- and Kevin forgets all about his notebook. He forgets about it so much that when they get in the car he finally remembers it and runs back inside to get it.

 

~*~

 

Kevin feels like he's been on a date when he pulls up the street in front of a house to drop Zac off. He shouldn't, because this is supposed to be business, and plus he doesn't exactly want to date Zac Efron. That's everyone else's job. Maybe Kevin just equates eating with dates. He hasn't gone out to eat with anyone in a long time, and it's one of his favorite activities. Something about sitting directly across from someone is such a nice thing for him to experience.

"This is your house?" Kevin says. He doesn't turn off the ignition, but he puts the car in park.

"It's my parents'," Zac says.

"You live with your parents?" Kevin says and then immediately cringes at himself. He keeps being so judgmental about everything in Zac's life and he doesn't mean to be. He may be the only guy on an all-girls hockey team and he may live with his parents, and he may not have his own car, and he may have just spent a great deal of the day with a person who's really only supposed to be there to get dirt on him, but that doesn't make him any less of a human being. Kevin's brother Joe still lives at home, for instance, and he's supposedly human.

"I actually had to move back in with them," Zac says, like he knows how much of a loser he is.

Kevin doesn't think he's a loser. He'd rather be dead than living with his parents after not living with them for so long. "That's pretty tough."

"Okay, well, I'll see you tomorrow I guess," Zac says.

"Yeah, where are you tomorrow?" Kevin says.

"Evening practice at the rink."

"I'll see you there."

Kevin feels like he should say goodbye with a physical gesture, like a handshake or a hug or something. Zac's arm is still taking up almost all of the armrest between them. Kevin didn't mind while he was driving, because he drives with both hands. Kevin touches Zac's arm, and Zac looks at him quickly before looking out the window at his house.

"Okay," Zac says. He takes his arm out from under Kevin's hand and opens the passenger side door. He hesitates for a few moments before getting out. He puts his hand on the roof of the car and bends down to be able to see Kevin.

"Bye," Kevin says.

"Bye," Zac says.

Kevin makes sure Zac gets all the way in the door before leaving.

 

~*~

 

When Kevin gets home, he doesn't even have time to relish in the feeling of having a nice day, because Joe is sleeping on the floor in front of his apartment door like a dog. His hands are even curled up against his chest and he's snuffling and whining like he's dreaming about food or running in a field. He's using a Dora the Explorer backpack as a pillow. Kevin kicks him in the shoulder.

"What?" Joe says.

"What are you doing here?" Kevin says. He unlocks his door and steps over Joe's body to get inside. He leaves the door open and Joe picks himself up off the floor and follows him.

"Mom and Dad kicked me out," Joe sniffles pathetically.

"What?" Kevin says, panicked already. Kevin would rather leave his own apartment to Joe than live with him in it.

"Just kidding," Joe says. He tosses his backpack on Kevin's couch and hops up to sit on his kitchen counter. "I think I just sat on something."

"Grapes," Kevin sighs. "Couldn't you have called ahead of time?"

"I did," Joe says. He takes his grape juicy pants off, balls them up, and throws them into the dark void of Kevin's bedroom. Kevin figures, why not, and does the same. They're both still wearing boxers their mother bought for them. "Somebody didn't check their messages today. Where have you been, young man?"

"I was working," Kevin says, because technically, he was. Joe doesn't ask 'on what' so Kevin doesn't feel the need to tell him 'on Zac Efron'. He pours a glass of milk and sets it down on the counter to reach up into a cupboard to find the Oreos. Joe makes ooh-ooh-ooh noises, so he grabs some extra. Joe's already stolen his original glass of milk, so he gets himself another.

"So can I crash on your couch for a few days? Mom's getting the house painted and it's giving me hives," Joe says. He eats like a small child, with his mouth wide open so all the chewing noises can be heard. He's been here five minutes and he's already covered in juice and cookies and milk. Kevin wonders if he still has those baby wipes in the bathroom from the last time Joe visited.

"Can't you stay with Nick?"

"He's no fun," Joe says. Kevin agrees, but he lives in a bigger house, and he has a TV and two dogs. That would tucker Joe out like a toddler better than Kevin ever could. Kevin thinks about actually leaving his apartment to Joe and going to stay with Nick himself. "Plus he doesn't have any non-sugar free cookies in his house."

"Fine," Kevin says. "But no --"

"I know the rules, _Mother_ ," Joe says. He sticks his finger in his mouth, scrapes cookie bits out of his molars, examines it, and then puts it back in his mouth.

Kevin puts his glass in the sink and goes to bed early. He's pretty sure Joe can figure out a way to entertain himself.

 

~*~

 

Kevin tries to check in with Miley the next day, but when he knocks on her door, there's no answer. She's definitely in there, the light is on and there are what sounds like ghostly moans coming from inside, but he's not about to go in there without permission. Especially not with ghostly moaning going on. It reminds him of when Joe would get caught in the flowy curtains at home and instead of getting himself out, he'd act like an embarrassment.

There's this little coffee house near the office with some of the best muffins he's ever put in his mouth, so he goes there and gets a couple of them with a cocoa and sits down to try to start writing in his notebook. He doesn't exactly know where to start, because he's barely talked to Zac about anything related to hockey or dirty laundry. They talked about their families a bit, and their favorite foods, but that's about it. _Zac Efron_ , Kevin writes. He doesn't like the way it looks, so he skips down a few lines and starts over. _Zac Efron_ , no, that doesn't look right. _Zac Efron_. Then he realizes he's writing Zac's name over and over in different handwritings in a notebook and slams it shut before this can escalate any further.

Joe wasn't at the apartment when Kevin woke up, so he's not worried about taking care of him, and there's nothing for him to do at the office, so there's nowhere else for Kevin to go besides the rink. It's not quite evening, but Kevin drives up there anyway.

When he gets there, there's an ice skating class in session. There's a row of little girls skating back and forth in straight lines from one side of the rink to the other, and Coach Ortega is following them on the ice and yelling at them while clutching his little dog. That guy must do everything around here.

There are a few parents in the bleachers, watching and waiting for their kids to be done. Kevin pulls his scarf of the day closer to his neck and joins them in sitting and waiting.

 

~*~

 

Evening finally rolls around, and the little ice skating girls and their parents clear out. Coach Ortega wanders towards the locker rooms. Kevin is surprised when Zac comes out of them shortly after that. He doesn't know if there's a back entrance to the locker rooms, or if he's been there all day, or what, but Zac waves him over and Kevin goes to meet him.

"Hey, how long have you been here?" Zac says. He starts walking to the other side of the rink, so Kevin walks with him.

Kevin guesstimates he's been there about a full hour, but he doesn't want to seem weird so he says, "Just a few minutes."

"Have you ever driven a Zamboni?" Zac says.

"A what?" Kevin says.

"It's that thing that makes the ice smooth."

"No."

"Do you want to?"

"I don't think I'm qualified."

"Nah, Ashley will let practically anyone do it," Zac waves off Kevin's doubts.

Kevin notices then that a portion of the rink wall is swung open like doors. A girl operating what looks like some sort of street sweeper but what Kevin assumes is actually a Zamboni drives onto the ice, very slowly.

"Hey Ashley!" Zac yells. He runs out onto the ice in just his shoes and slides to a stop next to the Zamboni. He talks with Ashley for a few seconds, gesturing at Kevin sometimes, and she hops down and slaps him on the shoulder before walking off the ice. Kevin can't believe these people are just running and walking all casual on the ice without falling over.

"Kevin, come over here!" Zac yells at him and waves.

"Over there?" Kevin says.

"Yeah, come on!"

"These shoes are suede!"

Kevin can see Zac roll his eyes from here. He steps onto the ice carefully and prays he doesn't fall over or damage his shoes. God must be newly deaf, because Kevin ends up doing both. He steps too hard with his left foot and it slips, so he falls backwards and gets ice on his shoes. The ice melts and sinks into the suede. Kevin's tailbone is sore and he feels a bit winded, but more importantly, the dignity has been completely knocked out of him. Zac is laughing at him and walking towards him, like the ice isn't slippery at all.

"Are you okay?" Zac says. He offers both of his hands to Kevin.

"I'm okay," Kevin says. He takes Zac's hands and lets him yank him off the ice. His tailbone feels like it's growing a tail of pain, and he's embarrassed beyond any other embarrassment he's ever experienced, but he's okay.

Zac walks with Kevin slowly over to the Zamboni and grabs his arm whenever it looks like Kevin is going to fall over again.

"Get on and I'll get up behind you," Zac says.

Kevin hopes Zac doesn't put his arms around him like people on motorcycles do. One time when they were younger, even before Frankie was born, he and his brothers and their parents went to the circus, and they got to go on an elephant ride. Kevin thought it was the coolest thing that you could ride an elephant like you would a giant, giant horse. Kevin was up at the front, right near the elephant's face, and his mom was behind him. She couldn't get her arms all the way around his middle and she kept tickling his gut. Kevin doesn't like to be held around his middle very much.

The seat on the Zamboni is high up, and the climb smarts Kevin's sore tailbone, but he makes it. Zac hops up easily after him. There's no room on the seat for him to sit behind Kevin anyway; he'd have to sit on Kevin's lap if they both wanted to have a regular seat. He sits behind the seat on a part of the Zamboni itself, and his thighs bracket Kevin's head.

"I'm not sure I feel comfortable operating this," Kevin says.

"Nonsense," Zac says. He puts his hand on Kevin's shoulder and leans forward to point at stuff. Kevin is pretty sure Zac's crotch is directly against his head. "Just hit that button, push that knob down, and steer it."

Kevin does as Zac says, and the Zamboni starts up and starts to move forward. He's worried that Zac will fall backwards, like those people who ride in the back of pickup trucks, but he doesn't think it'd hurt him that much if he did.

"Should I go in any pattern? Like mowing the lawn?" Kevin says.

"Just follow the walls," Zac says. His hand is still resting on Kevin's shoulder, but it's okay. He's probably just using it for balance.

Kevin scrapes against the wall a little bit when he's rounding a corner that isn't even sharp, but he corrects himself quickly. Zac rubs his thumb back and forth against the side Kevin's neck.

It takes what seems like forever to get to the center of the ice, and by the time they get there, Zac is running his knuckles over the hair at the nape of Kevin's neck. It makes Kevin want to push him off the Zamboni, but not because he's not enjoying it. It feels nice, but almost too nice, and he doesn't know why Zac is doing it. Maybe he just likes to play with stuff that's in front of him, and Kevin is in front of him.

"Better let Ashley take it off the ice," Zac says. He lets Kevin take it as close to the wall opening as possible, but he makes them step onto the ice once more. Zac holds onto both of his shoulders from behind, like he's pushing him on a swing. He accidentally does push Kevin a little bit, and Kevin almost falls foward this time before Zac grabs him around the middle to catch him. Kevin feels like he's on fire, first because of the adrenaline he has from almost falling over, and second because Zac is holding him the way he doesn't like.

Kevin has to admit to himself, though, that he likes it this time.

"Are you okay?" Zac giggles into Kevin's shoulderblade. He rubs his face against Kevin's shirt before straightening up and finally getting them safely off the ice.

"I'm okay," Kevin says.

 

~*~

 

Kevin sticks around to watch practice. He doesn't really watch the team practice so much as watch Zac. He watches Ashley a little bit, too, now that he knows who she is, and Coach Ortega with his little dog. Familiar faces are less boring than unfamiliar faces doing things he doesn't care about.

When they're done, Kevin steps down to follow Zac, but Zac holds up his forefinger to have Kevin wait a minute. He goes back into the locker room with the coach and doesn't come out for almost 20 minutes. Kevin wishes the concession stand was open all the time instead of just when a game is going on, because he's so hungry. He doesn't necessarily have to wait for Zac to leave, but Zac asked him to, and plus, he wants to.

Zac comes out of the locker room with his skates over his shoulder. His shirt is wrinkled, like it's just been rucked up.

"Ready?" Zac says. He walks passed Kevin and doesn't even look at him, but he holds the door open behind him.

"Sure," Kevin says. He's not sure what's he's supposed to be ready for, since they didn't make any particular plans, but he guesses he has to be ready if Zac's ready to leave. He doesn't mind giving him a ride again.

"Where do you like to eat?" Zac says. He gets to Kevin's car before Kevin does and waits by the passenger door waiting for Kevin to unlock it. Kevin waits until he's right next to the car to hit the unlock button. "What's the point of keyless entry if you wait so long to open it?" Zac snaps. He gets into the car and slams the door.

Kevin gets in and shuts his door at a normal volume. He hasn't seen it before this, but that thing about hockey players being angry all the time must be true if Zac is acting like this. "Sorry," he says.

"I'm sorry," Zac sighs. "I just had words with Coach."

"About what?" Kevin says. "Where do you want to eat?"

"Wherever you want," Zac waves him off. "I'm not supposed to have girlfriends or anything like that, that's part of our deal. He was just reminding me of it."

"Oh," Kevin says, wondering what other anything is like a girlfriend. Is Zac allowed to have pets? "Do you want a girlfriend now?"

Zac turns and watches him drive for a minute. "No," he says. "But I don't like that deal anymore."

"That doesn't sound like a good deal," Kevin says. He thinks it sounds like a freak deal a freak would make with a young man.

They arrive at Chili's shortly after that. Kevin's favorite part about Chili's besides the food is the big chili pepper-shaped door handles. He wants to get some of those for his house. Kevin tells the hostess they want non-smoking, but Zac requests they sit in the bar area, so that's where they end up.

"You're with someone this time!" The hostess says, like she's way excited for him.

"Yeah," Kevin says. He picks up a menu and hides his face so he can't see if Zac reacts to that or not.

Kevin doesn't really know why they're here eating together, since they've only known each other for two days. He's not complaining, because he likes Zac and his company; he just doesn't understand it. Zac must like him and his company, too.

When Kevin finishes deciding what he wants to get, he puts his menu down and sees Zac checking out the drink menu that really looks more like a day planner. Kevin's never looked through it before, because he's not much of a drinker. Their waitress comes over and takes her pen out.

"Hey!" She says to Kevin. "Who's this you're with?"

Kevin rubs nervously at his eyebrow so it's going in the opposite direction of what it should. Usually he likes that he knows everyone who works at his local Chili's, but for some reason, with Zac here, it makes him feel like a loser. "This is just my friend Zac."

"Hi," she smiles at Zac. "Can I get you guys anything to drink?"

Zac orders something Kevin's never heard of from the alcoholic beverage day planner.

"What do you want?" Zac says, pointing at the drink menu. "I'll buy."

"Oh, I don't really drink," Kevin says.

Zac points at him and says to their waitress, "Something fruity for him."

"I know just the thing," the waitress says. She takes down their drink and food orders and gathers their menus to go put them in.

"I don't know," Kevin says. "I'm driving."

"You can just try one," Zac says.

Kevin's drink comes in a short glass and is a bright, opaque blue. It looks very pretty and it tastes like coconut. It's gone before their food arrives.

"Can I have another one of these?" Kevin says.

"You don't have to ask me," Zac says, looking like he's deeply amused but trying not to look like it.

"Don't make fun of me," Kevin says.

"I'm not," Zac says, but he's smirking. He takes his silverware out of his napkin and refolds it to set it down on the table. "You know, I don't really eat out very often."

"Really?" Kevin says. He folds his napkin over his lap. "That's all I do is eat out."

Zac looks at the part of Kevin's body that isn't blocked by the table: his upper torso, and smiles at nothing in particular Kevin can figure out.

"I really like to cook," he says. "I feel so powerful when I make like, a pie or something. It's like, fuck, yeah, I made a pie. Now I can do anything."

"That's not really powerful," Kevin points out. "That's... knowledgable." He realizes knowledge is supposed to be power only after he's made his mistake.

"Knowledge is power," Zac says smugly. Kevin knows knowledge is power, he just didn't think about what he was saying. He decides to continue with his pies aren't powerful thing anyway, even though they probably are.

"What can you even do with a pie?" Kevin says.

"I can poison people," Zac says.

"That's true," Kevin says.

 

~*~

 

Four little fruity blue drinks and some steak fajitas later, Kevin's feeling pretty good.

"I can't even feel this," Kevin says, holding up an empty glass.

"Wait until you stand up," Zac says.

Kevin stands up and immediately feels like his body should be lying down. His thighs bang into the table and he knocks his fork over onto the floor. Zac reaches across the table and tugs at his arm until he sits down again, and then gets Kevin's fork for him.

"Oh _maaan_ ," Kevin says. "Standing up feels crazy."

"I told you," Zac says, wiping Kevin's fork off with his napkin. "Are you done?"

"Can I have another one of those?" Kevin says. "They were so good. Our waitress is so nice, too, can you bring her over here? I want to tell her, you are so nice."

"I think you're cut off," Zac says. He waves at someone across the room, and Kevin doesn't see who it is, but he wants to be friendly too, so he joins Zac in waving across the room.

"Hiii," Kevin says to whoever they're waving at. Zac laughs at him.

Their waitress comes over a couple seconds later to leave them their bill. "I was just talking about you!" Kevin says. "You are so nice, you're like, the best."

"Are you guys okay to drive home?" The waitress asks.

Zac pays the entire bill for them, and Kevin says, "Thank youuuuuu."

"It's okay, we're not driving," Zac says.

"We're _not_?" Kevin says. He's so surprised they're not driving. He doesn't understand what else they're supposed to do. He can't believe Zac is doing this to him.

Kevin tries to leave by himself, but he soon realizes he can't get out of the restaurant alone. It's like an elaborate labyrinth in there, with all the walls and the floors that go everywhere except the exit. Zac follows him and grabs his hand to help him out. When they get outside, it's so refreshing. Kevin didn't notice before how hot and smothering it was in there.

"You're my hero," Kevin tells Zac. He tries to let go of Zac's hand now that they're out of the Chili's maze, but when he does he starts veering to the left when he wants to go straight, so Zac takes his hand again and walks with him. "It was so hot in there, you know? It felt like someone was sitting on my face."

Zac coughs out a startled laugh. "I'm gonna walk you home, okay? Where do you live?"

"In an apartment," Kevin says. He's very certain of this. "We can't go there, though, there's a raccoon in there."

"A raccoon?"

"He's my brother."

"Okay," Zac says. "But where is it?"

"I don't _know_ ," Kevin says. He's not certain of the direction, but it's in some sort of direction. He's looked it up on Google Maps, totally Google Earthed it, because his mom said you could see inside your windows on it, but Kevin couldn't see inside his windows.

"Okay, we can go to my house," Zac says. "It's not that far."

"Are you parents out of town?" Kevin says. He trips on something and almost falls over, but Zac holds him up. "I'm always falling over in front of you, it's so embarrassing."

"Don't be embarrassed," Zac says. "Do you want to take your shoes off?"

"No," Kevin says, but he plops down on the sidewalk and takes them off anyway. He doesn't know why he wore heels tonight. He guesses because he didn't know he'd be walking so much. Zac pulls him up off the ground and holds Kevin's hand in one hand and Kevin's shoes in the other. Kevin loves him so much, he's such a nice guy.

Kevin wants to throw up suddenly. How can he love Zac if he's only known him for two days? What kind of person loves another person after two days?

"Am I slutty?" Kevin says.

"What do you mean?" Zac laughs. "How you dress?" He backs away as much as he can from Kevin without letting go of his hand to check out Kevin's entire body. "Because..."

"No," Kevin says urgently. "How I am."

"No, you're not slutty," Zac says. He squeezes Kevin's hand, and the space between their palms feels sweaty. Kevin doesn't know if it's his palm sweat or Zac's, normally he'd feel self conscious about his sweaty palm, but he doesn't really care about anything like that at the moment.

 

~*~

 

It turns out Zac's parents really are out of town. Kevin just figured he was making a sexy joke, but it wasn't a joke at all. Zac gets Kevin settled in on the couch and goes to the kitchen to get him a glass of water. He sits down next to Kevin and even though it's unnecessary now since they're sitting down again, he holds Kevin's hand. It's Kevin's left hand this time, but while they were walking he held Kevin's right. The cool metal of Kevin's ring presses into Zac's warm palm until it, too, becomes warm.

Zac rubs his thumb back and forth over the ring. "What's this?"

"Nothing," Kevin says.

"Are you married?"

"No."

"Are you engaged?"

"No." By this point in the questioning, Zac sounds incredibly hurt and he's let go of Kevin's hand entirely. This upsets Kevin more than he thought it would. He wants Zac to touch him, and to not be hurt by him.

"Are you holding it for someone else, or what?"

Kevin wishes he were holding it for someone else, and by someone else he means Zac, and by it he means Zac's penis, but he can't because of this stupid ring.

"No, it's," Kevin says, "it's a purity ring."

"What?" Zac says. "Are you like a white supremacist or something?"

"No," Kevin says, "not that kind of purity."

Zac seems visibly relieved. Kevin feels his usual moxy that is so often depleted by Zac's presence rush back in this moment, and he puts his hand face up on top of Zac's, also face up on his own knee. He curls his fingers in between Zac's fingers. Zac lets him, and he lifts Kevin's hand up to look at his ring.

"I still don't really understand," Zac says, not looking away from Kevin's ring, like it's the most confusing thing in the world. Kevin can't look away from Zac for the same reason. What is Zac even doing? What does he want with Kevin?

"It's these vows I took," Kevin says. He's starting to get embarrassed now. He knows he shouldn't be, because a lot of people are still virgins well into their adult lives, but he can't help it, especially in front of Zac, who has probably been with thousands of people. "I can't have sex until marriage."

"Okay," Zac says slowly, like he's giving this new information plenty of time to funnel into his mind. "Can you kiss me?"

"Yes," Kevin says. He's so nervous he can feel it everywhere in his body. His chest hurts, the veins under his tongue hurt, his teeth hurt, all of his fingertips hurt, his thighs hurt from being tense. He only remembers feeling like this when he took his driving test to get his permit, and he'd never been in a car before in his life. Zac is like the car in this scenario, he figures.

"Can you jerk off?" Zac says. starting to maneuver his body so he's closer to Kevin on the couch. He tucks his legs under him and lets go of Kevin's hand to put his arm around Kevin's head on the back of the couch.

"No," Kevin says. He has jerked off in the past, but he doesn't like the feelings it gives him after, so he tries not to. Also, one of his grandpas died when he was younger, and he's always thought his grandpa could see him from Heaven, so he didn't want his grandpa to have to see that.

Zac puts his other hand on Kevin's face. His thumb is under Kevin's jaw, and his fingers make a frame around Kevin's ear. His palm feels warm and dry against Kevin's cheek. Kevin is so nervous he's not entirely sure how he's not crying right now.

"How do you know?" Zac says. He keeps getting closer and closer to Kevin's face with his own face.

"I guess it's up to the individual to decide what feels impure and what doesn't," Kevin says.

Zac hovers with his lips pressed so lightly against Kevin's, it itches. Kevin's lips itch real easily, he doesn't know. He bites his lower lip to scratch it and manages, he thinks, to scrape his teeth a little bit against Zac's lip, too. Zac doesn't move away. Kevin thinks he's breathing pretty heavily, and almost directly into Zac's mouth, but still, he doesn't move away, like he just really wants Kevin to be this close to him.

"Do I feel impure?" Zac says. Kevin can feel every syllable rub against his face.

Kevin doesn't know why, but at this moment, Zac feels like the purest thing he'll ever do, or not do, in his life. He closes his mouth around Zac's upper lip as a response. He doesn't know if Zac thinks that means yes or no.

Kevin puts his hand on Zac's side, like he really knows what he's doing with his hands at all, but Zac gasps softly like he's been wanting Kevin's hands on him. They kiss open-mouthed until somehow Zac ends up on his back on the couch with Kevin on top of him, Kevin's hand under his shirt and Zac's leg wrapped around the back of Kevin's thighs. He thinks he's doing okay even though he's never done this before. He feels like he really needs to jerk off right now, but he can't, and Zac can't do it for him.

"This is so stupid," Kevin says.

"What is?" Zac says.

"This not being able to touch anyone," Kevin says sadly. "Not even myself."

"I think you can touch yourself," Zac says, like he's really been thinking hard about it ever since Kevin told him. "You're not supposed to have sex with anyone, right?"

"Yeah."

"Can a person have sex with themself?"

Kevin closes his eyes so he's not looking at Zac's beautiful face he wants to eat and tries to picture himself having sex with himself. It seems like it'd be impossible unless he got a time machine or a full-length mirror, which are both things he'll never, ever get.

"I guess not," Kevin says.

"So go for it," Zac says. He undoes Kevin's pants for him and his knuckles make gentle contact with Kevin's cock through them. He doesn't reach in and whip anything out, he just unbuttons the button and unzips the zipper and leaves it like that for Kevin to ultimately decide what to do.

"I can't," Kevin says.

Zac just nods like he's real saddened over this and wraps his arms around Kevin's neck so they can kiss more.

 

~*~

 

Eventually, they do stop kissing, but only because Kevin falls asleep in the middle of it. Kevin wakes up in the middle of the night because he's cold on one side and too hot on the other. His mouth feels puffy and sore, like he's eaten too many spicy things, and the taste is gone but the feeling lingers on. Zac is awake again, or still awake, Kevin doesn't know if he's the only one who dozed off or what. He has his arm around Kevin, and he seems like he's so unbelievably squished right now, but he looks comfortable enough. He's running his fingertips through the back of Kevin's hair.

Kevin breathes in through his nose sleepily so it sounds like a snore. "You like my hair," he says, trying to roll sideways so he can press his back against the back of the couch instead of crushing Zac.

"I like you," Zac says. He lets Kevin get off him, but then rolls himself onto his side so they're facing each other. Kevin feels bad, because the couch isn't huge, so he puts his arm around Zac's middle to keep him from falling down, should he ever be close to falling down.

"I like you, too," Kevin admits. "I'm supposed to be getting dirt on you."

"Did you get any?" Zac says.

"A little bit," Kevin says. He pretends to brush something off Zac's shoulder, and Zac rolls his eyes but smiles. "I think I'll give this assignment to someone else."

"I think I'll quit the team," Zac says easily, like it's not anything.

"What? I thought you loved playing."

"It's all right. But if I can't have a girlfriend, you know?"

"Am I the girlfriend?" Kevin says.

"What do you think?" Zac says. Kevin's not usually one to get poetic, but Zac's eyes look blue raspberry Jolly Ranchers right now, sweet and soaking with spit but clear and beautiful.

"Sounds good," Kevin says. "Can you walk me to my car?"

"Sure," Zac says. He helps Kevin off the couch and even gives him a jacket to borrow since Kevin didn't wear one today and it's chilly out now.

The walk from Chili's to Zac's house seemed shorter when Kevin was drunk. It's not a long enough walk, anyway. He would walk for days straight with no predetermined destination if he could hold Zac's hand the entire time. They kiss once more and Kevin gets in his car to take off. Before he can leave, Zac knocks on the window.

"Can you give me a ride home?" Zac says.

"Oh, of course," Kevin says.

 

~*~

 

The next morning, Kevin is dreading going into the office to tell Miley he can't write an article on Zac and Zac's dirt because he's like, too close to the situation now to be objective and reporter things like that. He doesn't know how she'll react. He stops off at Dunkin Donuts to get a half a dozen donuts for himself and a dozen donuts for everyone else. It's okay if he gets fired, really. There are plenty of other jobs out there for him. If not, he can move back in with his parents, or drive into oncoming traffic. Maybe Zac's parents would let him move in with them, even though Kevin's always thought things like that were tacky.

Kevin knocks on Miley's door. There are some small crashes on the other side, and something like the sound of rearranging furniture. The door opens wide and Kevin shoves the box of donuts forward before realizing Miley never, ever gets up to answer the door.

"Hey, thanks, bro," Joe says. He takes the box of donuts and opens it just enough to get his hand inside it.

"What are you doing here?" Kevin says.

"I work here," Joe says. He has a paper clip chain placed on his brow like a tiara and he's wearing a spaghetti strap tank top and a pair of Kevin's flannel lounge pants.

"What?" Kevin says.

"Get the fuck out of here, Jonas," Miley yells from behind her desk. Kevin tries not to even look, but he gets a glimpse of her wearing a big unbuttoned button down shirt with, he's pretty sure, nothing else.

"I'm Miley's new assistant," Joe says. He winks when he says it.

"Don't do that," Kevin says, recoiling in absolute horror. He knows logically what Joe is implying, but he doesn't want to know.

"No, seriously, I stopped by the other day to see if I could borrow some cash from you, and you weren't here, so I started _poking around_ \-- "

"Ugh," Kevin moans. He shoves Joe back in the room with the box of donuts and slams the door shut for him. "Miley, I'm off the Efron assignment," he yells through the door.

"Nobody gives a goddamn shit, Jonas," Miley yells back. "Go do something else."

Kevin takes an early, early lunch and drives over to Zac's house with his donuts in the passenger seat. There aren't any cars in the driveway, so he assumes it's okay to go up and ring the doorbell. He's afraid Joe will unexpectedly answer the door here, too, but Zac answers.

"Hi," Zac smiles at him. He's wearing the same clothes he was yesterday, but Kevin doesn't mind. "Long time no see."

"I know," Kevin says. "I brought donuts."

"Come on in," Zac says. He opens the door wide enough for five of Kevin to get through it. "I haven't eaten donuts in so long."

"I'm on my lunch break, so I have to go back in a few," Kevin says.

Zac looks at him like, why are you eating lunch at 9am? Why are you here doing it? Why don't you want to have sex with me? But he says, "That's fine."

"I want to have sex with you," Kevin says.

"Maybe later," Zac says through a mouthful of donut.

"That's fine," Kevin says.

It's perfectly fine.

 

 

~*~THE END~*~

**Author's Note:**

> For hongkongaton, but now with added for anyone else who even wants to read it. The title is from The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack. I wrote this while listening to 100% Jesse McCartney, I'm just sayin'. Thank you to fledmusic and bluejbird for helping me out so big.


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